Wednesday, November 28, 2007

A Pint

Of haggen daz to mend a broken heart.
Well I wouldn't say broken but I will say hurt. I've been in a sorta crudy mood and I think it's cuz I'm been pissy and pretty bummed. Can you blame me, like no! so after I work out tonight I want to go buy some icecream, super creamy double churned butter pecan ice cream that has 1/3 less the calories than the other stuff, remember I'm on a health speal here. And watch america's next top model. that outta cheer me up.

Lastnight Mike and I got into a disagreement over the same old crap. Wouldn't you think that if it has always caused problems then maybe it should get taken care of. I do. I guess it can't be taken care of the way I would like them to be. Whatever. To be honest I am so tired of arguing and fighting and I'm to the point where I want it all to be over, no matter what it takes or what the results lead to. Drastic? a bit.

Like I hate thinking and we all know when I get to thinkin it leads to no good. I know your sorry for everything that has happened, but how do you expect me to forget it all and not think that you may do it again? You have lied and lied and promised the effin world to me and all that means nothing to me anymore. I can only try and pretend to belive you for so long. You paid dues... How? I forgave you for everything, how is that paying dues... I know you know what you did but are you really sorry for it? Defend her all you want, I don't care. It means nothing to me. I hate how I get screwed over and I have to be the one that has to settle with whatever it is that pisses me off most and deal because I'm with you, and want to stay with you. Not anymore. I shouldn't have to and I won't. I was so afraid of falling in love again due to fear that I would totally get my heart broken again. Saying I love you again was sooo hard. And to feel the way I did, not worth it. It didn't feel like you meant it. But your notorious for saying you love someone and you really don't. It's up to you, I know we need to talk but I will let you know that I'm not budging and I am surley not going to put up with lies. At the same time I feel so torn, I should get over it, afterall, I always do right. I can't begin to tell you how hard it was to sleep without you last night. I didn't get the before bedtime kisses or the cuddles. I couldn't even listen to the sleepytime mix, I just thought about you. Everytime I looked over and you weren't there, or waking up with out your arms around me. sad times. It's really hard not being with someone for one day that you spend every single one with.

As for other things, work is well. And My healthy thing is going well also. I'm going to work out tonight and tomorrow, I try not to get discouraged, Riz is so my motivator. Love ya sis! After I'm gonna go home and prolly do nothing, we'll see.
Peace out.

No comments: